I have now officially been finished with my internship at Grace Adventures for two months today. I knew coming back would be difficult and feel weird and off, but what I didn't count on was feeling this way for two months and counting. I know that I am where I am now for a reason, and that reason could very well be to prepare me for the future. However, I believe that I found my sweet spot during my time at Grace, and am currently living very much outside of that spot. Simply put, I'm not in my sweet spot, and that's bound to feel off.
By no means am I sitting around the house with nothing to do. Today is the first day in about two weeks where I haven't had to be somewhere for some part of the day. I like being busy, however, I have recently learned that there are different kinds of busy. One is the kind of busy that I experienced during my time at Grace. Depending on what was going on, I worked anywhere from 7:30-8:30am until 5:30-10:30pm. Sometimes running from one location to another, running this or that activity, cleaning, recruiting volunteer staff, getting ready for groups, etc. On my days off I fell into somewhat of a routine...get some extra sleep, then work on schoolwork that had to get done. A week's worth of school in about two days. Any Sunday morning or Wednesday night that I wasn't working, I went to church with the family I lived with. Some evenings when we didn't have to work we'd play disc golf or go to the dunes or beach or just play with the kids. That was my life. And it was busy! My priorities were very clear: work, then school, church, and family time.
Now I live back with my biological family (as opposed to my camp family) and I am almost as busy as I was at camp, but it's a very different busy. I like to call it a busy buzz. Running from here to there, this activity to that activity. Balancing youth group with jazz band with preschool department with jr. high with work with volunteering back at camp with getting ready to start college classes next semester with Christmas with everything else! My priorities aren't as obvious and clear, I have to make more distinct choices about them.
Other than the obvious differences in what I am doing, there is another significant difference. At camp, even what I hated it, I loved it. Sure, there were jobs I didn't like, days I didn't want to be with people, and things I just plain didn't like, but overall, I loved it all. I was challenged, and it was hard, but it was good. It was my sweet spot. Where I fit, what I want to do with my life, yeah, that was it! Now I am here and learning and busy and being challenged in different ways, and trying to apply what I have learned, and it's good, but I feel off. This isn't the perfect fit. This is temporary. I won't be in this place forever, and I don't want to be. I found what works and it will be wonderful to be back in that place when (and where) I am supposed to be.
