Little Sister...

I have never been a little sister. This is part of being the oldest. I have always (though often subconciously) felt the responsibility and many times even pressures of being "the big sister." When my family came to visit me at camp this summer and my parents had to leave to take care of some other things, I immediately took on what one of my co-workers calls "Oldest Sister Syndrome" always checking to make sure everyone is okay, in the face of struggle and hurt being the strong one, being the one with answers, being told that I am looked up to. I am not complaining about being the oldest at all. In fact, I've never given much thought to anything else; this is how it is and who I am, and that is great.

But I suddenly have tasted something new. Now I'm the little sister. I moved to college a few months ago, and upon arriving, my dad saw one of the many people he knows here. He jokingly told the RA for the guys' floor in my building to "keep his guys away from me." Knowing my dad was joking, the RA did not take this on, but still took my dad seriously. Instead of being paranoid or anything like that, he chose to take on the role of a big brother. He told me that if I ever want to go for a walk at night and don't feel safe but need to be alone to call him and he'll walk about 50 feet behind me so I'm safe and protected, but still alone enough to process or cry or whatever. He has e-mailed me, addressing me as his little sister, and we talk about life and Truth and random fun things as well. For Treats in the Hall we decorated our building based off of Finding Nemo and he was Crush and I was Squirt. We had a lot of fun. He is my big brother.

On that same first day, I met another RA from another building who noticed that my day was just not going well. She asked me about it, tried to talk to me a little, but didn't push or pry. She also didn't leave. She asked me again later how I was doing, and I started to cry because I was just overwhelmed with the whole day. Now we meet on a regular basis and spend a lot of time together. We run together three times a week, she leads the Bible study I go to, and we meet to talk about the Word quite bit..all aside from just hanging out, which we also do. She encourages me constantly and goes out of her way to bless me and help me focus on God. She calls me her sister in Christ. She is one that I can go to and not feel like I have to have all the answers--even about basic things, especially about the Bible. I can ask her all kinds of questions that I have, and she sits with me, helps me understand as best as she can. She encourages me and shows me how to seek Truth. She prays for me and with me. She is my sister.

Now I am a little sister. I get to ask questions, seek answers, look up to my sister and big brother in Christ. I can be taught by them, and talk to them about just about anything. I can pray for and with them. I can go to my sister's room and cry if I need to, or just sit and laugh with either of them. I can learn so much from them as we do life together, all seeking God and His wonderful, amazing, awesome love that leaves us awestruck and sometimes in tears.

Being the oldest is good. But now it's good to be the little sister, too.

Seeking Child-Like Truth

I realize it has been a very long time since I have posted here. I said I would post more when I got to college, but that hasn't happened! College is crazy! But crazy good. I just find myself so busy sometimes that there simply isn't time to even read the other blogs I follow, forget take time to update my own. The schedule has temporarily slowed down enough for me to take some time for camp this weekend as well as take a significant nap this afternoon, shower, and I am currently ready for tomorrow which means after posting, my bed awaits me.

As previously stated, I went to camp this weekend. I only stayed for a night, but I worked Friday night and through Saturday afternoon before heading back to school. After I finished working at around 9:30 Friday night, I headed over to the Vander Kodde house to meet baby Trevor--and to see the rest of the kids. Laura saw me walk in and we started talking a little under Kelly (age 4) greeted me with "HI MICHELLE! WE'RE GOING TO OUR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S HOUSE!" followed quickly by a running hug as Gina (age 5) walked up and gave me a giant bear hug, both of which were topped off with a happy Bryce (age 2) running and giggling to jump into what was left of my arms. I miss their smiles and their hugs, so it was so good. I met baby Trevor and was able to help Laura out (Ben wasn't home yet) by just being with the kids while she got ready for their trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house. At one point in the evening I had Trevor in my arms, Kelly sitting on my left resting her head gently on Trevor's, Gina on my right, and Bryce precariously placed between Trevor and Gina--all four kids on my lap while reading a book!

Bryce took off to play and sing happily and I moved to the floor so Gina and Kelly could sit on the couch and play with my hair while I held Trevor and read from a book of Bible stories. They wanted to hear about Joseph, and so I began to read. It was written for children, and therefore the story was paraphrased. I read something to the extent of "and his brothers threw him into a deep, deep hole," and was immediately cut off by both Gina and Kelly who insisted that it was in fact not a hole, but a well that Joseph had been thrown into. I told them what they book said and was assured that "in the Bible it says a well, but there was no water in it because he didn't get wet." I assured Gina that I believed her and continued reading, but I was really very impressed. The next morning I checked my Bible. Gina and Kelly were right.

As I pondered this, I decided that this is what I want. I want to know the Word so well that when I hear something that is not Truth, I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt with child-like faith that this is not true, and be able to point to exactly what is. I was very impressed and humbled by Gina and Kelly's knowledge of not just the story, but of the true Word of God and the details there, but the ability to hear falsity and refute it with Truth--especially at such a young age. That is what I pray. That I will have a child-like faith and the knowledge to recognize Truth in my life and around me every day.

A New Perspective

The things that happen to your heart when you experience entirely new perspectives absolutely astounds me. This weekend my friend Sam and I went to my church to host the African Children's Choir. 21 Ugandan children came to my church to put on a benefit concert for the ministry my church has in Swaziland, Africa, and I had the privilege and honor of serving them by simply being there and meeting their needs. To describe everything that we saw and heard and experienced together this weekend is quite impossible. In fact, I believe it would be impossible to accurately express the experience Sam and I had this weekend even in person.

Saturday evening before the concert we enjoyed dinner with the children. Sam and I were introduced as Auntie Sam and Auntie Michelle (all adults are either Auntie or Uncle, like ma'am or sir). We learned some of their names and interests and just sat and enjoyed their laughter--and there was so much laughter about nothing really. It was refreshing to see the energy and excitement and joy and hear the sweet sound of their laughter about nothing! We were blessed to hear their thank you song (will forever be stuck in my head!) before we headed outside to play. The boys grabbed soccer balls and the girls painstakingly chose stones from the rock beds in the parking lot to play intense games of jacks with.

Just before the concert, after the children were in their costumes, we experienced devotions with them. Devotions did not mean someone reading from/talking about the Bible and praying. No, the children were broken up into groups and one of the groups LEAD devotions. They opened in prayer (Leno, maybe?) and then they took turns leading songs. One child would start the song, and the choir would join him or her on the next line, often in four part harmony! They would close their eyes, raise their hands, and just dance! Sometimes they would run over and grab Sam and I and dance with us! Their leaders just let them lead and enjoyed the worship themselves! And this was all BEFORE the concert itself, which was amazing. For anyone who has seen the concert, it is nothing compared to spending time with these children outside of performance mode!

These are children with HUGE dreams; pilots, teachers, pastors, politicians, the president, engineers, and more! But they are still kids who get so excited to play and interact and cannot keep the smiles off of their faces! Their laughter and excitement is brought on by the simplest of things, like singing, dancing, playing with stones or soccer balls, or just talking and joking and laughing. They do not have much, but they definitely have enough. They have what they need and they care and are provided for. They love to just be!

The time we spent before, during, and after the concert itself has brought on an interesting new perspective (which was to be expected). I learned a lot from these kids, such as the simple pleasures and joys of life, to the importance of playing, to the idea that it really is okay to move and dance and just enjoy worship! And there's so much more that could not possibly be expressed here...but our time with these children provoked an entirely new thought process and perspective, which I LOVE!

Spotlight

This summer I had the opportunity to work as a high ropes instructor/girls counselor at a YMCA camp. At one point (after I had been there for about ten weeks) I was presented with the opportunity to volunteer at Grace Adventures for a week because we had too many staff for the incoming group at our camp. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity to be back at Grace, and off I went (after some very frustrating car trouble of course...).

There was a stark contrast between Grace and the other camp that I worked at, which I knew full well, but saw the results of very quickly. Even though many of the summer staff at Grace were "new" this summer (meaning they hadn't been on summer staff previously), I felt very welcome and was able to make some great new friends! The camp that I was officially working at was very challenging. I was seriously pushed, maybe shoved, out of my comfort zone....and it was just hard. So to have a break for a week and be welcomed at Grace was a wonderful thing, and a soft preparation of what was to come.

The summer theme at Grace Adventures was Spotlight, coming from 1 John 1:5-10. From the time I stepped foot onto Grace Adventures property, I felt like every message spoken, song sung, devotional given, God sighting shared, was for me to hear specifically...which became overwhelming rather quickly. We talked about being in the darkness, and how God is light. A thought that I either heard or thought through on my own (I can't remember), was that if we accept God's light, we can shine His light into the darkness around us, which can be tricky and exhausting, especially if we don't have the support of others shining their lights with us. Without them, it can feel like we have to constantly spin around to see what darkness is creeping up behind us where we can't see it.

Something else happened that week that I didn't really process through until it was mentioned at staff huddle as a God Sighting the next morning was this. The campers at Grace participate in Plinko Mail. The girls' cabin and boys' cabin with the most mail at dinner each night send up a representative to play Plinko Mail. Instead of earning points, however, each disk would land in a space with a reward card--anything from counselors getting buried in the sand, blobbed, or a pie in the face, to the cabin staying up later, getting a snack, choosing a theme for the next day, etc. One day, the Tim Team (high school service crew) decided to gang up on Ben, the program director. At dinner that night, the Plinko Mail options were all about Ben; Ben gets a pie in the face, Ben gets thrown in the lake, Ben gets blobbed, Tim Team decides Ben's fate, or Mystery Box (filled with things about Ben). As it turned out, Ben was due for a pie in the face and to be thrown in the lake. The dining hall suddenly broke out in chant "Ben in the lake! Ben in the lake!" As they surrounded Ben, he took off his glasses, emptied his pockets, and prepared to be grabbed by the chanting crowd. Everyone was having fun.

Or so it seemed. Amidst the cheering, excited, chanting crowd, a few heads turned at the sound of a wail. "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Came the cry of Ben's little girl, sitting on the picnic table, watching this take place. From her perspective, a MOB of big kids is yelling, loud, as they grab her dad and carry him off to torture him. That, of course, is not what was happening, but that is what she saw. We tried to console her, but to no avail. All she wanted was daddy and no one could convince her that it was going to be okay. But then, above all the wailing and chanting, we hear a calm, strong voice say "Gina Grace, I love you," as they carried Ben off.

I don't know if Gina heard her dad tell her that he loved her, but when it was brought up at staff huddle the next morning, it really got me thinking. Amidst the chaos, and what seems like torture and overwhelming darkness, if we focus in on God, He is ready and willing to tell us that He loves us and it will be okay. He knows what's really going on, and how it fits into His grand plan, even if we can't. Throughout the week I was reminded that if I kept my focus on God when I returned to camp to counsel, I could shine His light, and even if it felt like darkness and chaos was closing in around me, I would be okay, because God would still be in control. I could be the light that so many would need to see.

Needless to say, it was a good week.

The Greatest Concert of All

*Warning: This post is filled with musical jargon.  However, please keep reading, you just may understand it anyway, even if you don't speak the language of Music.

I had a concert last night.  It was set up collage style; the band played, the choir sang, the band played, the choir sang, etc.  Then we ended the concert with a piece by both the band and the choir.  While I was listening to the choir, my mind wandered.

This idea of music, intricate melodies laced with harmonies.  Repetitive pulses driving the tempo forward or holding it back.  Different instruments working together to build beautiful chords and intentional dissonances.  Parts of the band playing decrescendos while other parts of the band crescendo into phrases.  Using the different sounds of objects in percussion to create tones and melodies without air.  Speeding up and slowing down air and articulating the air with the tongue while coordinating it with the fingers.  Then add the choir.  The sharpness of the staccato syllables, and the smoothness of the legato chords.  Climbing and descending the scales to create glorious melodies and intricate harmonies.  \

All of it fits together to create breathtaking sounds known to us as music.  But in order for it to fit the way it is supposed to, the band members sit, semi-circle inside semi-circle, rows and rows right up to a large music stand and a little box, upon which one person stands, holding a thin stick in their right hand, both hands raised, then moving in what seems to be chaotic movements to the naked eye.  But to the musician, these movements are time, rhythm, direction, cues; this is the One we follow.  This is the One among all of us who has everyone's part written out in front of Him.  This is the only One who can see how it all is supposed to fit together.  In fact, if you play an upper wind, and I a lower, we may never meet, see each other, hear each others' parts directly, but still, they are important to the piece; they affect each other, even if we never realize it.

In order for us as a band, from percussion to low, middle, high, woodwind, brasswind, all of us to work together as a team to create this beautiful sound picture, we must not be facing each other, no.  Yes, it does help us some to listen around and pay attention to what others are doing, back them up, support them, enhance their part, however, facing them directly and expecting our guidance and help to come from them just doesn't cut it, especially since they too are trying to get their part in, as close to perfect as possible.  In fact, we must all look at and face the One who stands above all of us, watching us carefully, hands raised, moving, cuing us, orchestrating our parts.  If you get lost, don't worry!  That's what He's there for, cueing, conducting, keeping you on track, ready to guide you back if you lose your place.  Try not to though; you'll miss out on some great sections of the piece if you get lost!

Oh! And the absolute best part of all, the One up there on the podium, baton in hand, conducting, directing, orchestrating us as a band, He's the Composer!  Yeah!  That's right!  We are playing under the best director we could be!  What an Honor!  Not only does He see all the parts and know all the parts, but He understands what is not written in the score!  He understands the story behind the music, behind that sweet and light, sometimes bitter and dark sound.  He knows how to conduct with emotion and feeling, because He KNOWS!  He gets it!  He understands it, as well he should; He wrote it!  AND (it gets better), He CHOSE you and me to play the parts He gave us!  No one is doubling another part...each is different and unique to the musician, and they all fit together.  And instead of being known for your instrument and chair number, with that distinction on your music, it's simply your name.  The name He has for you.  You play your part, I'll play mine, and together, we'll watch the One up there, on the podium, hands raised, baton ready, let's go.

One more thing, the name of the piece:  Life (On Earth)

The Responsibility With Misinformation

While in the process of writing a Bible lesson on Noah's Ark, I noticed that part of the story I was familiar with seemed to be missing from the Biblical account. Chances are, if I were to ask you what the reaction was to Noah's building of the ark, you would probably answer that he was mocked, right? I seem to remember being told that he was mocked, he told them to repent, they refused, and soon regretted their decision when the rain started to fall. I searched and searched and asked a friend of mine who also searched, but I cannot find that anywhere in the Bible! Now, obviously this does not automatically mean that Noah wasn't mocked, but the Bible does not (that I can find) explicitly say that he was. In fact, in Matthew and Luke Jesus says that the people didn't even know what was coming until it hit them. This could either mean they didn't understand or they were never told, but either way, it does not mention their reaction to Noah.

After I had searched a little more, I started to talk to the aforementioned friend about it again, thinking it would make for a very interesting conversation. But I quickly found myself asking the question, why? Why bother talking about this? Does it matter? I found an error in what I was taught in Sunday School. So what? Who cares? This detail doesn't affect salvation, which is what really matters, right?

Then it came up in a conversation with another friend, and I was able to process it through a little more. I had already determined that it bothered me that I had been taught that the Bible says something that it apparently doesn't, but I couldn't figure out why that was significant. But then my thought process changed a little and I was able to come up with some answers to my own questions. As I create Bible lessons for church and as I work as a camp counselor this summer, I am in the position to influence these kids and what they believe. I may never know what parts of my life or the things I say these kids latch on to and remember. What if I chose to not double check the Bible and my sources and just taught what sounded good and some kid found out years from now that they were taught wrong and regarded the Bible as false, not the teaching? What if I didn't teach what was right and it was something about salvation that I taught wrong and some kid never bothered to double check? They could believe something wrong that really does affect their salvation!

The conclusion that I came to is that what matters about what I discovered about the Biblical account of Noah's ark is that now I am aware of it, and I can teach what the Bible says. But what I can really take away from this is that I have a responsibility in the way that I live and the things that I teach "my" kids. I have a responsibility to make sure I am teaching them the Truth with my words and my actions, and that does matter.

Stomach-punch and Ponderings

In church on Sunday, Phil showed a video of an atheist comedian recounting an event that had apparently left a significant impact on him, and has left me pondering for the last couple of days। He began to tell a story about a Christian businessman who had seen his show and came back the following night to genuinely compliment him. He seemed blow away that this guy simply wanted to compliment his show and tell how much he had enjoyed it. And he gave the comedian a pocket-sized Gideon Bible.

This started the comedian discussing how he was pretty sure this random guy knew he was an atheist and he didn't change his beliefs because of this and so on and so forth. But then he posed this question (paraphrased): If you know there is a heaven and a hell and believe people can or cannot go to hell, how much do you have to hate someone to NOT tell them about your beliefs and try to get them to believe with you?

Wait...what?! I...what?!

He continued with this example: "If I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a truck is going to hit you, and you don't believe me, there is a point at which I am going to tackle you!" .... okay.... "And this is much more important than that."

Well, I have to admit, when you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense...wait a second...this is coming from a guy who doesn't believe in God, or that He exists or that there's eternal life after death...if he sees the importance in sharing my faith with others, then why don't we always see it?

This video got me thinking about a number of things....one being that this guy (and others like him) don't believe in God. Yeah, I've heard about that over and over, people don't believe in God. But wait, that means they don't believe in Jesus. In my Sweet Savior. How can that be?? How can they live life without my Savior...and theirs if they'd believe?? I suddenly find myself feeling terrible for these people...hurting for them....because they are missing out on so much! And some of them don't want to know...which almost hurts more than people who just don't know about my Jesus yet...but if you don't want to know and close yourself off to Him...you don't want to know my Savior....and that's so sad to me!

When the comedian posed his question about how much you have to hate someone to not share with them what we believe is the Best News possible...I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. But also, as I listened to what he was saying, I realized that I don't necessarily have to go around telling every person I see (whether they want to hear or not) about my Jesus, but I can show them, and tell them if they want to hear. Just like the random guy did....he simply said a few kind and genuine words and the comedian couldn't get over it. It was like he couldn't figure out what to do with that...how to respond, what to make of it. Do our simpl little actions (whether Christ-like or not) really have that significant of an impact?? REALLY?? Wow. That kind of throws things into a whole other perspective...

Obviously this brings up the point that we, as Christ-followers ought to show Jesus to people who don't know Him as their Savior, even in little ways like encouraging words and kindness and other little things. But what about the people who already know Jesus as their Savior? Do we sometime live under the idea that they're already a Christian so we don't need to focus on them? Whether we do or not, I believe we, even though we already know Jesus, need the love and care of other Christ-followers, too. Maybe someone is hurting, struggling to trust Jesus, is lonely, not so sure they want to stick with this whole "Christianity" thing. Or maybe they're doing okay, but it's always nice to know you're appreciated and loved and wanted, right? So maybe we should show Jesus and His love to everyone....whether they know Him or not...right??

Waterfall

"Oh my Savior I give You glory. My Redeemer, my God and my King. There is no one, oh so holy, like the One who set me free. I can't think of anywhere I would want to be more than with You. I can't think of anything I would rather do than give You glory. Come my Savior on the clouds, Holy Spirit speed the hour. I will shout out loud the message, 'freedom is come and the kingdom is now!' Let Your rain come down, all around, let the thunder sound, shake the ground, let the waterfall pound breaking down all the lies You've found under me. Let the sightless see, let 'em see, set the bound ones free, set 'em free. Waterfall on me waterfall, I've sought Your heart, hear me call. I am here to speak a message, tell the truth that will set you free. I proclaim freedom to the captives, freedom to you in Jesus name. You can bow before the Master, find your shelter under His blood. You can come and be forgiven, carried along in the crimson flood. Let Your rain come down, all around, let the thunder sound, shake the ground. Let the waterfall pound breaking down all the lies You've found under me. Let the sightless see, let 'em see, set the bound ones free, set 'em free. Waterfall on me, waterfall, I've sought Your heart hear me call Oh my Savior I give You glory, my Redeemer, my God, and my King. There is no one, oh so holy, like the One who sets me free..."

"I tell you these things that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world!" John 16:33